You can find me in the bathroom, crying...

That's where I was today!
I took two classes today and by the time the 'heavies' were going in the second class I was beat, physically and emotionally.
This week has been emotional already, I have a LOT (probably an understatement) going on.  I will blog about all that on my family page here: Good Luck Keeping Up
Then last week I was laid up for 5 days due to a pulled ham string.  Going back to working out on Monday was a challenge.  Tuesday I was sore.  Today I woke up and could barely move!  My abs are KILLING me, my legs feel like I've been doing hundreds of squats.  I went to class and took a great class taught by Shannon, especially the strength training part of it.  Wooo, was it tough.  But I did it and didn't slow down or stop no matter how painful those arm circles with 8lb weights in each hand were.  Then the ab work...HOLY TOLEDO!  Gretchen and Shannon have the same routine in their set and it is intense!
Well Jen was telling me about Adriana's class that she has been teaching and found out that she was going to teach it today at the 10:10 class.  At the end of my 9 o'clock class I thought, "NO WAY am I staying."  But when I went to the back I thought, "I can do this.  Besides it'll be lots of fun with all the latin music."  So I checked in for class #2...there's no leaving after checking in!
I was off in the beginning, lots of new songs and a few I haven't done in a while.  But I caught up and caught on.  Funny how your body and mind remember moves.  Kind of like not riding a bicycle for a number of years then getting back on.  It all comes back to you.
Then we hit our 'heavies'.  I know they are both heavies because they are both my Workshop Routine Songs.  I LOVE one and I LOATH the other!
The first one is JLo and Pitbull Dance Again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjgFH01k0gU)
I actually love this routine and am challenging myself with the jumping and squats.  I know I suck at it but I'm learning that my thighs and butt are my biggest challenges as well as two big muscle groups that are hard to work.  I wanted to quite, but I pushed myself and got through it.
Then I hear Paulina Rubio All Around The World ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEyvt0HuUbI)
This song will be the death of me!  NO IT WILL NOT, I WILL DEFEAT IT!!!!
Adriana started this song and I literally heard it and said, "Okay Lord, I need you on this one!"  And it began....I tried HARD!  Ultimately I ended up doing two chorus' in low impact.  No, I didn't stop.  But man I was PISSED!  I stopped before the song was over and went to the bathroom and cried.  Wanted to punch the wall but didn't.  Then composed myself and went back out there to finish the rest of the class.
When I walked out of that bathroom I had this feeling of defeat all over me.  I was weighed down and wanted to just say, "Screw it!" and walk out.  I didn't but I wanted to.  I felt a heaviness on me the remainder of the class that I couldn't shake.  When I left I called Jose and just wanted to fall into his arms.  I told him, "I get so mad at myself.  Why can't I beat these songs together?  I feel like I'm a failure and I'm not going to make this."
His words were dead on and comforted me.  He said, "Mija, I know how you feel.  I have felt that way also.  But don't let it hold you down.  You are going to keep practicing, pushing and working hard to get them.  Let that frustration give you a drive to work harder and defeat it."
Like I said before, "this is a journey.  I'm learning daily."  I don't have the endurance like my crazy girl Tana who gets up on stage and is all over the place.  I have to build it up.  It takes time and practice.
I feel like God has placed me here now because I find a lot of encouragement in my Babies.  Anthony & Adriana are AWESOME athletes!  Their endurance, stamina and abilities amaze me.  But they didn't get where they are at over night.  They practice, HARD!!!!  They didn't become the athletes they are by watching but engaging.  They learned and put what they learned into practice then what they practiced into the game.  I've always told them, "do your best and leave it on the field."  Now it's time Mama takes her own advice and I do my best and leave it all on the dance floor.  If I tried to quite and they were there cheering me on I know I would go to the sidelines and they would tell me, "Ma, quitting isn't an option.  Find your strength and push through."
So, I'm going to push through...No matter what it takes!  I may be in the bathroom crying out of frustration.  But that frustration is going to fuel me and I WILL come out fighting!

Huge food accomplishment

This Friday and Saturday, Jose and I went out of town to celebrate our 17 year wedding anniversary!!!  It was SO nice, just to get away.
We went to dinner Friday night.  We stopped at Chili's on our way out to our first destination.  Typically I will order anything with pasta, cream, fried, fatty, you get the picture.  Well, browsing the menu I saw a new Mango Salsa Salmon (I think that's what it was).  I told Jose, I think I was going to get that.  He wanted the same thing, which is typical when it comes to seafood.  He always chooses it over anything else (except steak).  I was kind of sad for a minute that I wasn't getting pasta or something more fattening.  After all, I was on my anniversary celebration weekend.  I should be going all out, right!?!?!
WRONG!  I need to be making more conscious decisions at all times no matter where I'm at or what I'm doing!
Saturday we woke up late and took our time getting ready and heading out for the day.  I know now I should have packed some food for me to eat.  I actually knew when I was packing that I should have but just didn't...live and learn.  It wasn't until 1pm that we left the hotel and I hadn't eaten since the night before.  Hungry was an understatement at that point.  We knew there was a Starbucks next door to the hotel and we also knew that was going to be our first stop.  We needed some coffee!!!  Jose ordered his coffee and a piece of berry cake thing.  I actually stood there and observed the calorie content of each thing.  Asked the barista if they had nutritional facts on a few of my choices and what they were made of. Unfortunately he wasn't too helpful and they didn't have the info in store.  But I made the best choice I could at the moment.  I was pretty proud of myself that I stopped and took the time to make an "educated" decision.  I got my muffin and coffee and off we went.
We planned on going to lunch and knew we wanted sushi!  So off on the hunt we went.  We finally found a WONDERFUL little gem tucked away by an Albertsons and a bakery and another Mexican food place.  Went in and looked at the menu.  Unfortunately they didn't have an all you can special but they did have bentos!  There was an older gentleman sitting next to us that gave us a yummy bento tip and so we ordered it along with a sushi roll.  Jose and I ended up splitting a salmon and shrimp sushi roll and a bento box consisting of prime rib teriyaki, tempura, sashimi, a super yummy salad and a few mixed veggies.
We literally split it all and I was surprisingly full and content.  We used to go to sushi places and I can't even tell you how many rolls we would I would put down in a single sitting!  
Later that night we ended up at Downtown Disney and I KNEW we were going to be eating at The Jazz Kitchen I actually made reservations the night before we couldn't keep because Jose was late getting home.  Anyway, I SO wanted the Blackened Chicken Carbonarra!!!  I kept drooling over it and mentally finding excuses as to why I should eat that dish.  It's had to impress my pallet and I KNEW this dish would have done it!  I talked with the waitress and she agreed, if I wanted to be 'WOW-ED' this was the dish.  Well I also told her I needed to be a "good girl" and eat something with a lower calorie content.  She suggested the Pecan Crusted Salmon, which I looked at but then thought...NAAAAHHHH.
Well, I ordered it and it was divine !!  I was SO happy I went with the salmon.  Not only because it tasted AMAZING but the calorie count had to have been at least a few hundred calories less than the other choice and the salmon is so much better for you.  We did order the banana's foster and I did have a Jorge's Land Mine (Moonshine grain whisky, rum, vodka, gin, midori, sweet and sour).  But over all, it was about the choices I was making.  Being conscious of what I was choosing and making the right choices.  

Jazzercise update: I have been working out this week.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  But I've been trying to focus on my arms like Tana showed me.  Being aware of my moves, exaggerating certain moves and being BIGGER...HAHAHAHA
I went up on the stage and did one of my favorite songs right now.  The instructor and I BOTH forgot the routine...HAHAHAHA It was hilarious!  Thank God Rebecca was in the back guiding us because we were both lost.  It is SO hard for me to start on my left side!  I sweat like a crazed lunatic and I just think it's hilarious!  People looking at me makes me feel so off, I really don't like it but I know I will get through all of this.  It hasn't really kicked in yet, nerves wise, that Saturday is the day.  I'm grateful for that because I'm getting sleep.  

Oh, I almost forgot!  I have been wanting to get my nose pierced again for a while but don't want to just go do it.  Jose and I were going to go get piercings for our anniversary but never did.  So I told Jose that if I pass this Saturday I want to go get my nose done.  We will see, but I really want to get it done.  It'll be a significance of a milestone.  Then once I become an instructor I want to get a tattoo.  Not sure what yet but I know it will come to me.  So, make sure you look for a picture...it'll indicate if I passed or not.

Until later....be conscious!!!

I'm baaack!

I had to take a hiatus from blogging. I seem to get excited over things and then over focus on the one thing and not on others.
Well, I am learning balance! We will see how long it lasts. Hopefully a long time, I need to stay focused.

Anywho, I have a Jazzercise update!
I have my Movement Screening in ONE WEEK!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
I'm so nervous! I want to do good, I want to pass and I want to start moving forward to become an instructor. The feed back from my peers is SO AWESOME! I've had people approach me and encourage me and cheer me on. It means SO much to me!
Today I met with Tana. I think it went well. I seem to have short limbs (not new news to me) and so I need to learn to really exaggerate my movements, especially in my arms. I've been told I need to up my intensity, which I'm really trying to do. There are times during my workout I want to drop down to lower intensity or slow down. But I'm not allowing myself. I literally talk to myself and have to stay on track. I'm feeling it and I'm feeling it get easier. Now I have to work on my arms and certain movements to make sure I'm learning right. Tana went over notes with me and showed me some things. I'm really getting excited!!!
Jose has been getting side jobs and my parties have doubled what I've been doing. So the money is coming in. It's amazing how its all working out! It all seemed like it wasn't going to happen but I now see the light.
I'm super excited! I plan on keeping up on here more. I'll try to post before next Saturday but if not, I'll post after to keep all of my followers, cheerleaders and fans up to date on my journey!

Oh I almost forgot. Delayna snapped a pic of Tana and I working. I'm up on stage. Thought I'd share.