Balls to the wall

So that is my new "motto" thanks to my personal Jillian Michael's aka Gretchen.
I trained with her today and OH EM GEE... She kicked my butt!  I guess I am not seeing how I'm doing things wrong. IE technique, intensity, proper position and form. She was screaming at me today!  I am totally okay with it, honestly. It sucks, I will be honest. But I know she is doing it because she sees my potential and sees what I am capable of. I seriously love Gretchen and Tana. They have yet to give up on me. I have yet to give up on me. They push me to a limit I never knew I was capable of. They encourage and support me. It may sound small to some but when you have a background like mine, its a big deal.
I expect to be in a LOT of pain, worn out, exhauated and cranky between now and my audition. There is a lot to take in. I know I can do it. I have a lot going on in my life right now period. But I know with the help of everyone I can do it.
I've received some amazing feedback lately. It floors me every time someone compliments me.  My jazzercise family is amazing and I truly wouldn't be where I am without them. I've watched instructors live my journey. They NEVER gave up!  They are huge inspirations to me.
Anywho it looks like I will be BALLS TO THE WALL until my audition!

Mirrors don't lie!

So they say that the camera puts on 10lbs. 

Well the camera must put on 20 or just really show you the truth!

Part of my way of practicing is in front of a mirror so that I can see what I really look like, to help me follow along correctly and help me to see the reality of what I'm really doing. 

Woah Mama, it makes me question why I am even attempting this. I see myself and realize the reality of my body, my self esteem and my progress. 

I have a LOT of work ahead of me!  In all areas. I have a a lot to work on not only the outside but mentally too. There are days I question what I'm doing, why I even feel fit, what my purpose is. It seems as though the mirror reveals not only my physical self but it opens the door for my mental and emotional state. 

I am an open book and hoping that I not only watch my own journey but reach someone else battling in their journey. 

So much for keeping up!

I received a comment on my last blog post and realized I SUCK at keeping this thing updated. I will be honest and confess, Facebook is much more addicting and easier to just pop a post onto. I'm not feeling too hot tonight (actually, I am hot but not feeling good at all). So I wanted to post something I found tonight while going through my emails.
I hope it reaches you as it did me.  I feel like this woman totally took the Jazzercise part of my brain and wrote about it!

You can find the original post here: Jazzercise and Me
"I finally did it. I finally attended a jazzercise class with my Spark friend (who's been BEGGING me to come for YEARS). During the month of March, Fridays were free. I went to the first class pretty much ready to try it, tell Staci I finally went, and be done with it. To my utter surprise, I couldn't wait to go back the next Friday...and the next Friday. But then the free Fridays were over.
At the time, we couldn't really afford to do a monthly fee and sign up, so I went jazz-less the month of April. But May brought another special...$19 for 30 days of unlimited jazzercise, yay! I've been attending classes 5, sometimes 6 days per week since the beginning of May...I'm hooked. I'm an official jazzer-junkie. So...what's so GREAT about jazzercise? Bunch of aerobic moves from the 80's....hydrants included? I kid you not, I thought that's what it was gonna be. I quickly realized, jazzercise is a place I can be totally me. Schmaltzy, okay, a little. But, it's true. I LOVE to dance. I love to move....jazzercise makes me feel strong AND SEXY. I'm strengthening muscles I didn't even know were there....uh, I have SHOULDERS. Really, I do. They are coming to life. My legs have never been stronger. And my obliques...are you frickin' kiddin' me? I HAVE oblique abdominal muscles!? Yep, they're here...wanna touch 'em?  Seriously, jazzercise has given me the most amazing outlet to tone my body, lose weight, and build my self confidence that I didn't even know was lacking. It's funny how feeling strong can give you so much confidence in other areas of your life. I was walking into the grocery store this afternoon, and my shirt was riding up. In the past, I'm sure I would have pulled it down, embarrassed about my muffin top. But I wasn't embarrassed...not at all. I'm working hard for this body, and it feels good to be seen. Oh, you know what I mean! In my jeans and tshirt and stuff.  And it's only been a month...one little month and already I'm in the best shape of my married life. So, I want to publicly thank you, MOM2AEROKI for never giving up on the idea that I would one day come to jazz with you. Thanks for putting yourself and your love out there. It's changed me in so many ways. I so appreciate how you set me (and others) up for success by meeting us for classes. Some days, it would be easier to skip, but I know you'll be there, waiting, and that is a huge motivation. To any of you reading this who haven't found a workout to love- give jazzercise a try. We have fun, we dance our a**es off, and with some work, we burn major calories....don't be ashamed if you feel like you need a puke bucket the first go 'round. I know I did. They tell me that's how you know it's working.

April 28th, 2012
Update: It's a year later, and I'm still jazzing. Still loving it; still addicted. The crazy thing about jazzercise is, it doesn't feel like a workout. I don't mean it's not HARD like a good workout should be....I guess I mean that, because I enjoy it so much, and it's such a part of my regular day, it just feels like part of my life. Sometimes I flex my muscles in the mirror (yes, I do), and I cannot believe how my upper body and abs have transformed. All while doing something I truly enjoy. I talk about it all the time....there is eye rolling at times, but how can you not talk about something that is such a large part of your life? And, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the amazing friends I have made at jazzercise. They make it all worth it. I'm so fortunate to have met and made friends at this stage of my life. An answer to prayer, for real. Jazzercise has changed so many facets of my life. So, so glad I finally went."

So with all that being read, if you don't know...This week is 50% OFF!  You can join for 50% off of the regular fees!
If you've thought about it and played with the idea of checking it out, don't think about it again!  Meet me there THIS WEEK and you can check it out for FREE!
I promise you, you won't be disapointed!!

Back at it!

I got my new 10 workshop songs. I'm so ecstatic over them, I can't even express my excitement. 

Found out yesterday that we will be working on Treasure by Bruno Mars on Thursday. One song I've gotten down pretty well. 

Here's hoping to a new year and a new Jazzercise Instructor!

Anxiety is a...

Well I'm sure you can finish that sentence!  Jose and I have been going through a rollercoaster with life lately, to say the least!  We have been in the process of moving/not moving, dealing with a horrible landlord, people in & out of our house for two months now.  I will attempt blogging on my private blog about that.  This is my Jazzy Blog and I want to stay focused on the topic :-)

So, with everything going on I have had HORRIBLE anxiety.  I honestly want to rip my skin off, I can't sleep, eating terribly and I'm turning to alcohol to help me sleep and relax (I KNOW that it isn't good! I've tried praying, reading my bible and seeking God in this.  But mental issues are serious and need help and treatment.  Which I can't get due to not having any insurance.)  I've been so bad that I have been getting physically sick to where I can't go to Jazzercise.  I honestly haven't been practicing, I haven't been working out like I should be and the list goes on and on unfortunately.
I got on the scale this morning and I've gained 7lbs in the last month.  I'm really trying not to beat myself up and be hard on myself but it's not easy!!! 
We all fall off the bandwagon.  Family goes through trying times.  Life throws curve balls at us.  Major things happen.
We can all either learn from it or allow it to keep us down.  The choice is ours.  We can let circumstance control us or we can control our circumstances.
Starting today I got up, ate right and got my butt to Jazzercise.  I can honestly say, when I "fall off the bandwagon" my biggest issue is the snacking on the wrong foods and dinner.  I can honestly say I did good for most of the day until dinner.  I wasn't "bad" but I could have been better.  Everyday is a new chance to make the right choice.  What will you do with it?
I have a training coming up July 6th, same as the last one I went to.  My goal is to get those 7lbs off.  I will be limiting my carbs, sugars, 'junk' and of course alcohol.  I have my BAFF that I've gone to for support (which is HUGE!  We can't do this alone and we should get as much support as possible).  I will be texting her and using her when I need that support whether it's to talk me down, build me up, give me some direction, etc...

I've posted a picture of what stress does to ones body.  It is serious and many people don't take it serious enough.  I hope you learned something and if you are under life's pressures, seek what you can change.  Even if it's one thing at a time.

Huge Hugs and Love to you

You can find me in the bathroom, crying...

That's where I was today!
I took two classes today and by the time the 'heavies' were going in the second class I was beat, physically and emotionally.
This week has been emotional already, I have a LOT (probably an understatement) going on.  I will blog about all that on my family page here: Good Luck Keeping Up
Then last week I was laid up for 5 days due to a pulled ham string.  Going back to working out on Monday was a challenge.  Tuesday I was sore.  Today I woke up and could barely move!  My abs are KILLING me, my legs feel like I've been doing hundreds of squats.  I went to class and took a great class taught by Shannon, especially the strength training part of it.  Wooo, was it tough.  But I did it and didn't slow down or stop no matter how painful those arm circles with 8lb weights in each hand were.  Then the ab work...HOLY TOLEDO!  Gretchen and Shannon have the same routine in their set and it is intense!
Well Jen was telling me about Adriana's class that she has been teaching and found out that she was going to teach it today at the 10:10 class.  At the end of my 9 o'clock class I thought, "NO WAY am I staying."  But when I went to the back I thought, "I can do this.  Besides it'll be lots of fun with all the latin music."  So I checked in for class #2...there's no leaving after checking in!
I was off in the beginning, lots of new songs and a few I haven't done in a while.  But I caught up and caught on.  Funny how your body and mind remember moves.  Kind of like not riding a bicycle for a number of years then getting back on.  It all comes back to you.
Then we hit our 'heavies'.  I know they are both heavies because they are both my Workshop Routine Songs.  I LOVE one and I LOATH the other!
The first one is JLo and Pitbull Dance Again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjgFH01k0gU)
I actually love this routine and am challenging myself with the jumping and squats.  I know I suck at it but I'm learning that my thighs and butt are my biggest challenges as well as two big muscle groups that are hard to work.  I wanted to quite, but I pushed myself and got through it.
Then I hear Paulina Rubio All Around The World ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEyvt0HuUbI)
This song will be the death of me!  NO IT WILL NOT, I WILL DEFEAT IT!!!!
Adriana started this song and I literally heard it and said, "Okay Lord, I need you on this one!"  And it began....I tried HARD!  Ultimately I ended up doing two chorus' in low impact.  No, I didn't stop.  But man I was PISSED!  I stopped before the song was over and went to the bathroom and cried.  Wanted to punch the wall but didn't.  Then composed myself and went back out there to finish the rest of the class.
When I walked out of that bathroom I had this feeling of defeat all over me.  I was weighed down and wanted to just say, "Screw it!" and walk out.  I didn't but I wanted to.  I felt a heaviness on me the remainder of the class that I couldn't shake.  When I left I called Jose and just wanted to fall into his arms.  I told him, "I get so mad at myself.  Why can't I beat these songs together?  I feel like I'm a failure and I'm not going to make this."
His words were dead on and comforted me.  He said, "Mija, I know how you feel.  I have felt that way also.  But don't let it hold you down.  You are going to keep practicing, pushing and working hard to get them.  Let that frustration give you a drive to work harder and defeat it."
Like I said before, "this is a journey.  I'm learning daily."  I don't have the endurance like my crazy girl Tana who gets up on stage and is all over the place.  I have to build it up.  It takes time and practice.
I feel like God has placed me here now because I find a lot of encouragement in my Babies.  Anthony & Adriana are AWESOME athletes!  Their endurance, stamina and abilities amaze me.  But they didn't get where they are at over night.  They practice, HARD!!!!  They didn't become the athletes they are by watching but engaging.  They learned and put what they learned into practice then what they practiced into the game.  I've always told them, "do your best and leave it on the field."  Now it's time Mama takes her own advice and I do my best and leave it all on the dance floor.  If I tried to quite and they were there cheering me on I know I would go to the sidelines and they would tell me, "Ma, quitting isn't an option.  Find your strength and push through."
So, I'm going to push through...No matter what it takes!  I may be in the bathroom crying out of frustration.  But that frustration is going to fuel me and I WILL come out fighting!

Learning to be a Crockpot in a Microwave World

I have always been one that is going NON-stop!  I have been a mom since I was 17 and as the years have gone on I've always ran, ran, ran constantly.  So much that when I do have "down time" (which believe you me, it's RARE!) I don't know what to do with myself.
This isn't always a good thing.  Because I'm constantly on the go I'm also a "Go-Getter" type of person.  If I commit to something, I will do and do one heck of a job to the best of my ability.  I take on one too many tasks because as I see it, "if I don't step up and do it, who will?"

Well, this unfortunately has run into my Jazzercise Journey.  Since I started thinking about becoming an instructor I wanted to focus more, learn the moves better, take more classes to build my endurance.  Then when I passed the screening, I wanted to get right onto the training and so on.

Recently talking with my main mentor and some other instructors it's been suggested that I take it slow and learn the best to my ability before going to the workshop routine.  With everything else going on in my life (which I've been too busy to even blog about that) they suggested that I take it slow.
My first reaction was, "yeah right!  I started this and damn it, I'm finishing it.  On the date I was originally planned for!  Even if it kills me!"
Then I thought about it.  Talked to Jose about it.  Thought about it.  Talked to a few other instructors about it.  Thought about it.
Honestly, at first I felt like a failure.  Like I'm not good enough or that I don't have what it takes.  But as I thought about it and learned that I really needed to pray about it, God gave me revelation through it.

1) I need to stop putting labels on myself!
Just because I may not be able to do what I'm expected to do to become an instructor RIGHT NOW, doesn't mean that I'm a failure!  It means that I need practice.  That I need to learn more.  That I need to perfect the knowledge that I currently have before pouring into others.
2) It's OKAY!
I will get there and it's okay if it's not tomorrow.  As you know, I've lost some weight.  It didn't happen over night and I also didn't gain it over night.  I have been doing Jazzercise for almost 2 years, that's it!  I can't become an instructor in 3 months and it's OKAY!
3) Slow down!
Our society is such a microwave society.  Everything has to be done ASAP.  We want to know something, we google it.  We want to go somewhere, we map it.  We want to eat something, we heat it up or drive through a Drive Thru and pick it up.  Then eat it in our vehicle!  Everything we do has to be done instantaneously.  It's not how God intended us to be.  Things take time!  Your brain and body are primary examples of that.  We send our kids to school for 13 years and then to college for at least another 4 just to have a career.  We can't expect to learn everything over night.  Noah didn't build the ark over night, it took some time!

Where I'm at right now is in a learning process.  This is a Journey, right!?!
Journey translated means: going from one place to another, usually of some distance.
Now unless I'm on a jet plane with a ticket in hand, I don't think I'll be getting there anytime soon!  So in the mean time, I might as well enjoy the trip...RIGHT!?!?
I need to slow down and let the process take it's time like a wonderful roast in a crockpot!

On another note...I was working out to my training DVD on Wednesday and Adriana was home with me.  She was on the couch with my phone recording me, without me knowing!  I was kind of irritated at first that she recorded me but after watching it I was actually glad.  I was able to really see myself.  Let me tell ya....there was NOTHING purty about them videos!  HAHAHAHAHA  Mama's got some work to do!
But I'm doing it and my family is AMAZINGLY encouraging!  There is a song, All Around The World by Paulina Rubio.  I swear to you, it's going to kill me!!!!!!!!!!!
ANYWAYS....I would keep stopping during the song and Adriana would tell me, "Come on Ma, you can do it!  Don't think about it, just do it.  Practice makes perfect."
Ant and Jose have been encouraging me also.  It truly puts tears in my eyes!

So this Saturday is my very first District Practice.  It is on Movement Technique.  I am TERRIFIED!  I've been warned that I am going to have my butt handed to me!  I am trying to stay focused and strong but all I can think about is, "I'm not going to make it!  I'm going to be like the BL contestants and faint.  Why am I doing this?"
I know it's all negative thoughts and I know I shouldn't be thinking like this but I am.  I need to learn to focus and know that, this is going to be a lot of hard work.  But I CAN do it and I WILL get through it!  There is a reason why I'm on this journey and I'm birthing something great!  One thing about birth, there is NO backing out or stopping!
So until I'm done...I will continue!

I'll try to update Sunday or Monday how it goes.  Until then know...YOU TOO can do whatever you are facing!

Huge Hugs and Love!