Balls to the wall

So that is my new "motto" thanks to my personal Jillian Michael's aka Gretchen.
I trained with her today and OH EM GEE... She kicked my butt!  I guess I am not seeing how I'm doing things wrong. IE technique, intensity, proper position and form. She was screaming at me today!  I am totally okay with it, honestly. It sucks, I will be honest. But I know she is doing it because she sees my potential and sees what I am capable of. I seriously love Gretchen and Tana. They have yet to give up on me. I have yet to give up on me. They push me to a limit I never knew I was capable of. They encourage and support me. It may sound small to some but when you have a background like mine, its a big deal.
I expect to be in a LOT of pain, worn out, exhauated and cranky between now and my audition. There is a lot to take in. I know I can do it. I have a lot going on in my life right now period. But I know with the help of everyone I can do it.
I've received some amazing feedback lately. It floors me every time someone compliments me.  My jazzercise family is amazing and I truly wouldn't be where I am without them. I've watched instructors live my journey. They NEVER gave up!  They are huge inspirations to me.
Anywho it looks like I will be BALLS TO THE WALL until my audition!

Mirrors don't lie!

So they say that the camera puts on 10lbs. 

Well the camera must put on 20 or just really show you the truth!

Part of my way of practicing is in front of a mirror so that I can see what I really look like, to help me follow along correctly and help me to see the reality of what I'm really doing. 

Woah Mama, it makes me question why I am even attempting this. I see myself and realize the reality of my body, my self esteem and my progress. 

I have a LOT of work ahead of me!  In all areas. I have a a lot to work on not only the outside but mentally too. There are days I question what I'm doing, why I even feel fit, what my purpose is. It seems as though the mirror reveals not only my physical self but it opens the door for my mental and emotional state. 

I am an open book and hoping that I not only watch my own journey but reach someone else battling in their journey. 

So much for keeping up!

I received a comment on my last blog post and realized I SUCK at keeping this thing updated. I will be honest and confess, Facebook is much more addicting and easier to just pop a post onto. I'm not feeling too hot tonight (actually, I am hot but not feeling good at all). So I wanted to post something I found tonight while going through my emails.
I hope it reaches you as it did me.  I feel like this woman totally took the Jazzercise part of my brain and wrote about it!

You can find the original post here: Jazzercise and Me
"I finally did it. I finally attended a jazzercise class with my Spark friend (who's been BEGGING me to come for YEARS). During the month of March, Fridays were free. I went to the first class pretty much ready to try it, tell Staci I finally went, and be done with it. To my utter surprise, I couldn't wait to go back the next Friday...and the next Friday. But then the free Fridays were over.
At the time, we couldn't really afford to do a monthly fee and sign up, so I went jazz-less the month of April. But May brought another special...$19 for 30 days of unlimited jazzercise, yay! I've been attending classes 5, sometimes 6 days per week since the beginning of May...I'm hooked. I'm an official jazzer-junkie. So...what's so GREAT about jazzercise? Bunch of aerobic moves from the 80's....hydrants included? I kid you not, I thought that's what it was gonna be. I quickly realized, jazzercise is a place I can be totally me. Schmaltzy, okay, a little. But, it's true. I LOVE to dance. I love to move....jazzercise makes me feel strong AND SEXY. I'm strengthening muscles I didn't even know were there....uh, I have SHOULDERS. Really, I do. They are coming to life. My legs have never been stronger. And my obliques...are you frickin' kiddin' me? I HAVE oblique abdominal muscles!? Yep, they're here...wanna touch 'em?  Seriously, jazzercise has given me the most amazing outlet to tone my body, lose weight, and build my self confidence that I didn't even know was lacking. It's funny how feeling strong can give you so much confidence in other areas of your life. I was walking into the grocery store this afternoon, and my shirt was riding up. In the past, I'm sure I would have pulled it down, embarrassed about my muffin top. But I wasn't embarrassed...not at all. I'm working hard for this body, and it feels good to be seen. Oh, you know what I mean! In my jeans and tshirt and stuff.  And it's only been a month...one little month and already I'm in the best shape of my married life. So, I want to publicly thank you, MOM2AEROKI for never giving up on the idea that I would one day come to jazz with you. Thanks for putting yourself and your love out there. It's changed me in so many ways. I so appreciate how you set me (and others) up for success by meeting us for classes. Some days, it would be easier to skip, but I know you'll be there, waiting, and that is a huge motivation. To any of you reading this who haven't found a workout to love- give jazzercise a try. We have fun, we dance our a**es off, and with some work, we burn major calories....don't be ashamed if you feel like you need a puke bucket the first go 'round. I know I did. They tell me that's how you know it's working.

April 28th, 2012
Update: It's a year later, and I'm still jazzing. Still loving it; still addicted. The crazy thing about jazzercise is, it doesn't feel like a workout. I don't mean it's not HARD like a good workout should be....I guess I mean that, because I enjoy it so much, and it's such a part of my regular day, it just feels like part of my life. Sometimes I flex my muscles in the mirror (yes, I do), and I cannot believe how my upper body and abs have transformed. All while doing something I truly enjoy. I talk about it all the time....there is eye rolling at times, but how can you not talk about something that is such a large part of your life? And, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the amazing friends I have made at jazzercise. They make it all worth it. I'm so fortunate to have met and made friends at this stage of my life. An answer to prayer, for real. Jazzercise has changed so many facets of my life. So, so glad I finally went."

So with all that being read, if you don't know...This week is 50% OFF!  You can join for 50% off of the regular fees!
If you've thought about it and played with the idea of checking it out, don't think about it again!  Meet me there THIS WEEK and you can check it out for FREE!
I promise you, you won't be disapointed!!