She said I'm cuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttteeeee

Okay, not really!  But she did say that I was doing good!  Before you get too lost and think I'm some kind of a lunatic, I will explain.
Today was my 3rd "technique class" for Jazzercise.  Gretchen is basically training us girls.  We went over some hip skips, body shifts, jabs, hip kicks (don't quote me on all the names of these, but I think that is what they are called...HAHAHA).  ANYWHO....Greatchen complemented me and I was SO excited!  Besides my jabs (I tend to look like a T-Rex when doing them) and my hip kicks (I point my toe instead of turning my hip) I kicked booty!
I was driving home and thinking, out of the three training classes that I've done, I've done fairly good.  Today with my two correction were the only ones I've had, or been told of.  I was thinking of how excited I was and it reminded me of Rudolph when he gets excited over Clarice telling him he's cute.  HAHAHAHAHA

These technique classes seem to kick my butt though!  The last one I did, before the holiday, I did a double that morning and then an hour of training.  That day I said, "NEVER AGAIN!"  It was TOO MUCH!  Today I did a class, came home and made up a batch of cookie mix, ate some hummus and carrots and cleaned up my kitchen then went back.  It wasn't as hard but my muscles sure are feeling it!  It really feels good though.  And man alive, I sure do work up a sweat training.  It's crazy!
I'm excited though.  I think I'm catching on and doing fairly well.  This is all surreal to me and will post about my feelings in another blog post when I have time and thoughts plotted out.

Be who you were made to be!

There has been a blog post stirring in my spirit for a few days now.  Things just popping in my head, people's facebook status', thoughts that roll around in my brain.  I wasn't sure where I was going with this until today.  Honestly, I kind of still don't know where I'm going but let's go together!  You ready?

As the title reads, "be who you were made to be", is what I want to discuss.  I think that many overweight women (I can't speak for the men) have an issue with being who they are.  I honestly believe that we become obese or overweight because we are uncomfortable in our own skin.  We then closet eat, binge eat, eat to make ourselves feel good turning to food to make us happy, socially eat and the list goes on and on!  We are caught chasing "happiness" and before we know it, we are on a downward spiral to obesity.
Once we are obese we get to a point where we realize where we are at and ask ourselves that very popular question, "How did I get here?"  We realize that all that "eating" didn't get us anywhere but into a worse place and situation.  Then doubt, fear, anxiety, depression, loneliness, etc kicks in.  Not only are we now carrying the issues we were dealing with but we are now carrying a toddler on top of our natural framed body.  For me, I was carrying a teenager on top of my natural framed body and still have about an 8 year old left that needs to go away!
When we finally get to a point where we can start loosing our "extra self" (whether it is all natural or surgical) we have to start dealing with all of the stuff that is inside of us that got us there in the first place.  I relate all of this to a drug addict or an alcoholic.  You can't just stop doing the drugs with out dealing with the reason why it got you there in the first place. You have demons in your closet that you have to deal with before you can get to the place where you ultimately need to be...FREE from the addiction and bondage!

I have a very dear friend and a true inspiration.  She has helped me along my journey by being a testimony to her one journey.  You may or may not know her and her husband, but before long you will!  There will be a Jen & Keith show!  Ha!!!
Anywaaaays, she wrote something on her facebook that spoke volumes to me and it goes perfectly right at this moment:
"Random thought of the day: People tell me a lot something like this "well sure you've lost weight and you look different on the outside, but you are still the same on the inside! You are still the same JEN!". And while people mean it in a nice way, they are all actually wrong.

I am not the same JEN, inside or out. In order to fix the physical (the symptom), I had to change and fix the cause (the 

inside). So even though that's a much longer process, haha, my inside self is not the same. I can't be. No one can remain who they were, morbidly obese, mentally, emotionally, and lose weight and keep it off. It cannot be done. You have to transform your mind AND your body, or else you'll be back to obese in no time.

And more to the point, I don't WANT to be who I was. I didn't like myself very much at all, or love myself-and I ADORE Myself now!! :) I have much work to be done (mentally), but I am so much happier and healthier in every way possible!"

I can't go as far as she does with the whole "adoring myself", not yet anyway!  God has worked on me and has changed a lot of nastiness that I was carrying.  Just 3-4 years ago I was a HORRIBLE person!  Well, in my opinion.  I was wrapped up in some nastiness that wasn't healthy for me inside or out.  With the weightloss, I've noticed that I have lost a lot of that nastiness.  Just recently I posted my blog onto my facebook and a friend of mine that has known me (and loved me for me) for the past 10 years replied with this: 

"

Wow Melissa, thanks for sharing... you are such an inspiration. You are beautiful inside & out. Knowing you for all these yrs I can honestly saw I've never seen you look happier. You are just glowing. Keep up the hard work girl. So happy you found yourself "

Can I just tell you, that is a HUGE blessing to me.  It isn't often that people, besides my mom (she is honestly my biggest fan!) tell me things like this.  It re-affirms that I am on the right track!  

It isn't easy being a woman, mom, wife and never having a father to teach you what love really is.  I've always had my mom, and I KNOW she loves me!  Jose has been my "father figure", boyfriend, husband, etc since I was 12 years old.  I have A LOT of brokenness inside of me that isn't easy to deal with.  I LONG for a daddy!  But what I've learned is that I do have a Daddy.  I have THE GREATEST DADDY anyone could EVER have!  What isn't easy is that he isn't tangible.  I can't touch him, hug him, let him hold me and I release everything physically weighing me down.  BUT, He is here for me.  He does love me.  He can take the weight of EVERYTHING weighing me down (self-doubt, timidity, anger, LIFE, weight issues, my own addictions and faults I deal with).  It's not easy and it's something I have had to learn to allow to happen.  This too has been part of my weight loss issues/success.  God does care about the little things, like my weight issues!  I fail Him, DAILY!  I feel like he doesn't care, doesn't want to hear about it, is tired of hearing me whine about the things I'm constantly whining about.  But I'm reminded and was reminded again today by another amazing friend and beacon of strength in my life.

Mishele posted on facebook this morning:

"As I was spending time with God this morning I was reminded of a conversation I had with my youngest last night. Through her teary eyes she said "Mommy I'm sorry." As I bent down to hug her and say thank you I looked her in the eyes and told her that I loved her and that She was beautiful, smart, and that I loved her so much. While I was praying this morning, God reminded me that as He was looking at me that He thought the same things about me. 1 John 4:19 says "We love Him because He first love Him because He first loved us." Remember today that we serve a great God who loves us more than we could ever know. He loves us and thinks good things about us!"

Isn't that AWESOME to know that even though you may be dealing with crud and failing him (because we ALL do, DAILY!) that He still loves us more than we could ever know!  Not only does He love us but he "thinks good things about us".  Really!?!?!  Even in all my messed up cruddy-ness, trying to please everyone and loosing myself in the midst, allowing other things to control me because I feel as though "I'm not good enough".

YUP, through it all!

So to wrap it up and bring you back to our topic, Be who you were made to be.  I have one more facebook status update (I told you, it's all been stirring and bringing it all here to tie it together!).

Another person who I look up to, her work is amazing (too bad I found Jazzercise before I found Rebecca...HAHAHA!  Really though, God knew what He was doing and maybe one day we'll be tied together for some reason.  Who knows but God!) I think VERY highly of her and have seen AMAZING results from some very dear friends of mine.  She posted a VERY profound status update and seriously, that is when I said, "I've got my blog post!"

"Be proud and confident in who you are, with humility. Because you are perfect in your imperfections!"

I am going to leave you with a few things.  

A scripture- Psalm 139:13-18

"For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you."

That right there tells me, NO MATTER how messed up I think I am, I was FEARFULLY & WONDERFULLY made!  God made me, the woman I am!  I may have detoured in a few routes of my life, but He made me the way I am so that I can live out His plan for my life.  It was made especially for me.  I had all of those hurts and wounds, gained all of that weight so that I can in turn be used through my testimony to reach whomever it is that I'm reaching.  This is the same for you my friend!  It says so in His word.  How amazing is that!?!?!

And for fun, I have to leave you with a VERY popular quote to make things fun:

Now I noticed a few things when searching for this quote that some people took it as, "who gives a crap about what people think about you."  Not along the lines that I'm thinking, so don't mis-read this!  It is simply as my blog title is labled..."Be who you were made to be"...because those who aren't your true friends really don't have or deserve an opinion in your life/choices.  Those who are your true friends won't mind your crazy antics, because they love you for who you are!

I hope this has made sense and opened a few things up for you to not only loose the physical weight weighing you down but all that emotional and mental weight that you are carrying around also!

Plethora of pictures...

I thought I would share some photos of myself, before Jazzercise and currently.  I will date the best I can.

Here is a picture I found of me my Junior year of High School.  I was about a size 16.  Couldn't say my weight but I KNOW I was unhealthy!  When people say, "I wish I could be the size I was when I was in High School." I can honestly say, "I'm smaller than I was when I was in High School!"

Junior Year of High School
1995

 This was when I was working for the Head Start.  Head Start is when I REALLY started gaining weight!  I started with them in June of 200 at about 180lbs in a size 16

Paula, Amber & I
10-15-200

 Here is Jose and I at a Christmas party in 2003.  My suit was a size 18 and I was busting out of it.  You can see the buttons expanding in the picture.

January 2003~ Head Start Christmas Party. 

 This is when Lisa and I went on a business trip to San Fran.  I still own that sweater.  It is a XL and it was obviously stretching for me.  I like that you can see how big my back was in this picture.  Most people just see you from the front but I carried a lot in my back!

San Franciso 2002

 This was a picture of me when I started working at Ladies Workout Express.  I can't tell you how much I weighed here.  At this point I had even lost some weight.

Winter of 2008

 This is Jose and I at Disneyland just before I got pregnant with Delayna.  We bought annual passes for Christmas and I didn't know I would end up pregnant a few months later and too sick to ever go again.

Christmas 2008

 These next ones you will see my bodybugg on my arm.  I just started really focusing on my eating and weight loss.  I started on the bodybugg in May of 2011.

My Stinky and I June 2011
215 pounds

 Fourth of July 2011, I started to loose weight, you can see it in my face a bit.

Adi & I July 4, 2011

 This next one is a picture of my Stinky and I on his birthday.  About 7 months into watching what I ate and almost 5 months of working out with Jazzercise.  It's obvious in this picture, watching what you eat and excercise are KEY!  Look up 2 pictures and compare my face!

December 2 2011

This is a picture I took when I FINALLY got back into a size 16 pant.  My friend gave me some clothes and tried them on.  I was ECSTATIC!!!!!!!!  My weight was 189lbs

Comparison Pic

First thing I ever did with Jazzercise.  The Christmas Parade.  I probably ran 3 miles that night!  Running?  Me?  Did you read my last post???  I DON'T RUN!  But I did, for the first time, that night!

2011 Beaumont Christmas Parade

Okay, this next picture is just crazy to me!  This was at my nieces 18th birthday party.  My sister in law posted some pics on facebook.  As I was going through them, I saw this picture and seriously said to myself, "Who is that girl?  She is really pretty!"
Then I realized...Wholey crap, THAT'S ME!  Do I really look like that?  NOOOO.
Yeah, it is!  I was beside myself and that was the first time I *SAW* myself.

July 2012

This one was Jose and I supporting our boy at a football game all geared up in blue.  Again, another picture where I have to slap myself to realize that, "Yes, Melissa, it is you!"

Jose & I September 2012

I hope these pictures helped give you a visual of where I came from and where I am.  I'm FAR from where I want to be, trust me.  But I know I can do anything I put my mind to!

Welcome & Intro

Hey y'all! I'm SO happy you have come to check out my blog. I don't know where I'm going with this, so bear with me. My friend told me I needed to start journaling my journey with Jazzercise and so here I am! A little bit about me: I'm 34 year old stay at home mom to four blessings. Anthony (almost 17), Adriana (14), Dominic (8 on Sunday!), and my busy one Delayna (4 in Jan.). They definitely keep me on my toes. My older ones are all in sports and life gets hectic. The love of my life is a construction worker, so he works LONG & HARD days!

I have always been a "big girl". The smallest size I can remember being is a size 14 when I was 16 years old. I remember this because I bought a pair of shorts from a local store and I was ecstatic I could fit into them. I know I was 16 because it was just before I got pregnant with my first blessing, Anthony Jose. With each child I gained weight, as most moms do. But I also lost a lot of weight while pregnant. I can't say at anytime with any pregnancy did I gain 60+ pounds. I was around 10-20 pounds each time. I wasn't raised doing sports or any other activities like that. Jose has always been EXTREMELY active. He has played soccer as long as I've known him, works construction and literally would wipe me out in one day with his "busy-ness".   Although at one point we did go to the gym together.  I don't know what happened there. Guess that stair climber just didn't appeal to me!

As I got heavier, I noticed I would beg him to slow down. After a while, I realized I needed to do something about my weight. I can HONESTLY say, I never saw myself "heavy" or "fat". Jose always loved me as I was. Which, yes, it's great, but you tend to loose yourself like I did. As a mom, a business woman, part time student, community volunteer, church volunteer, school PTA member, AYSO team manager, coach, and fundraiser coordinator....Melissa lost herself!

As a child, I was raised in an abusive home. I had a father who was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive. Both of my parents were drug addicts. When I was young (in 3rd grade) my grandfather removed my mom, my brother and myself from our home in Baldwin Park to a trailer in Banning. I didn't know anyone. I was extremely shy, timid, scared, lacked confidence and the list can go on! I met two friends when I moved, which I'm still BFF's with to this day! I was always looking for acceptance from everyone and anyone, especially the "cool kids" in school.  I met Jose when I was 12 and he was a God send!  He loved me unconditionally and wanted me to be his wife.  I know, 12!  Trust me I know!  But as I look back, it was all in God's plan!

So when I say, Melissa lost herself, she really lost herself in all of her activities because she was finally someone to others.  I was even a little popular.
But, it didn't fill that void that was there.  I went through some things in my life that I'm not going to get into.  Again, God allowed things to happen and I learned through the trials!

When I was going through my junk, I tried loosing the weight so that I could feel good about myself.  Not looking to others or things to fill that void I was missing.  I tried running for a time.  I REALLY like running but I REALLY hate it at the same time.  I don't have the endurance to run like I want to and it kicks my butt!  I was always teased in school that I couldn't do the mile in PE, so running has always been a goal of mine.  I tried, and it just didn't work.  Not to mention, my hips gave me the worse issues!
Then I started working out on the Gazelle my friends gave me.  I was doing good.  I added in some weight lifting and doing other things like planks, sit ups, yoga moves.  I was enjoying it but needed something more, again!

July 2011, I got a flier in the mail for a Forever Fit class with Jazzercise.  Most people think of Jazzercise and think of the old school leotard, sweat band and leg warmers. I actually think my Aunt Jazzercised when I was little.  But I was looking for something that I could do that I would enjoy, my daughter could be busy off on her own and it would keep me wanting more.  I knew my friend Darci had babysat for Jazzercise years back so I called her up and drilled her with questions.  Mainly, "are the girls clicky?  are they accepting?  are they catty?  will they like me?  are they gossipers?"...you know, the questions all of us women want to know before joining a women's group of anything.  She assured me that I would fit right in and would love it!  I talked to Jose and we agreed that I would do it for the 6 week trial.  No contract, nothing that would keep me locked in if I didn't like it.
Well, I went.  Hesitant yet excited.  I HATE doing new things but at the same time it is exciting.
July 18, 2011, I arrived at the location to find nobody there.  I was shaking in my sweats and didn't know what to expect or think.  After a few minutes a really cute perky blond girl arrived, opened up and was as bubbly as all get out!  Tana is her name, she is the owner of Jazzercise Cherry Valley.  She welcomed me and we went in.  I told her about the flier and she remembered talking on the phone with me.  She explained the whole plan to me.  We talked and she really took the time to get to know me.  She took my measurements (I will do another post with those) and weighed me (Yes, I will share that also, what do I have to hide?).  The first class was at 9am and she was going to be the instructor.  I of course stayed.  So many women walked in and saw a new face.  They were so welcoming and sweet!  I was really feeling welcomed!  I stayed in the back...no way in Hell was ANYONE going to see me attempt to do any kind of workout, especially with music.  Have you seen me dance?!?!?!?!  Well, lets just say it's not the best youtube video out there...HA!
I tried to keep up, but let me tell ya it was NOT EASY!  This girl, Tana, was all over the stage up front and I was just trying to keep up.  Forget about learning the steps or routine!  After class she asked me how I liked it.  I think I lied and told her I really enjoyed it.  But my panting probably indicated that she just about killed me!  An older hispanic lady was in the back with me and she saw I was working hard (I guess that is how you can put it) and she gave me a few "low impact" pointers.  She was the sweetest thing!
I left there that day with a sense of accomplishment and I really did like it.  The music is up to date, it is HIGH energy and a TON of fun.  So I decided I would go back and make my goal to go for the full 6 weeks of the program I signed up for.  Let me tell you, it was NOT easy!  They were doing exercises/routines I couldn't keep up with but I learned to adjust and do them a different way.  Like leg lifts, instead of laying on the floor I would stand up against the wall and do them.  YUP, I couldn't do leg lifts.  It KILLED my legs!
As time went on I think I became an addict.  I wouldn't go for whatever reason and I would REALLY miss it!  I missed everything about it.  The atmosphere, the fun, the dancing, the music, them ME TIME for 60 minutes.  I was ADDICTED!!!  I signed up for a one year contract.  I knew if I was locked in, I would go.  And I wanted to go!
As time went on, I was able to start doing the moves I couldn't do before.  HEY, I WAS DOING LEG LIFTS!  I was getting through routines that I would have to slow down or completely stop doing because I was dying.  I was making it through a whole class without heaving and hoeing!  I WAS DOING IT!!!!  There were even a few times in class that I would do a routine I couldn't do prior and I would start tearing up in realization that "I just did it!"
I knew this was my new journey.  I didn't know where I was going to go with it but I wanted to tap into this and start growing in it.  I took every extra thing they offered so that I could learn more.  I started taking 2 classes a day so I could work harder and build up my endurance level.  I really was as active as I could with Jazzercise at the moment.
February 2012 I became a babysitter.  I babysit one hour, once a week and I get FREE Jazzercise!  Can't beat that!

October of 2012 Gretchen (another 'head' teacher and co-owner for Jazzercise Cherry Valley) announced during class that they are going to start looking for people who want to become instructors.
It hit a nerve!  I knew after 6 months of doing Jazzercise that I wanted to be an instructor!  Jazzercise has given me a confidence that I never knew I had. I knew I wanted to give back what I have received from this AWESOME group and company!  Not only is Jazzercise, Inc an amazing company who truly cares about their "clients" but Jazzercise Cherry Valley has made a home for me. The instructors are amazing!  They have become a HUGE support in my life.  They aren't only our instructors but they are our friends.  They are MY friends!  They have encouraged me, lifted me up, boosted my confidence, shown me that I am MORE than what I think of myself and that I CAN accomplish anything I put my mind to.
I went to Erica and told her that I was interested in becoming an instructor.  She was happy and excited to see my interest in coming along side the other instructors to boost and build other women.  She thought that I would make a great instructor and made me feel really confident that I can do it.
After talking with Erica, I went to Gretchen and expressed my interest.  She again was happy that I was showing interest to become an instructor.  And she also boosted my confidence and made me feel really great about this next step I'm taking.
 November 1, 2012 was my first meeting to becoming a Jazzercise instructor.  Gretchen went over some things and had Donna there to help give us some pointers also.  I walked away excited!
November 8, 2012 we met again and went over some moves and routines that she wants us to master.  Jazzercise is VERY different from Zumba where you just pay and become an instructor.  Jazzercise has a lot of things they want their instructors to do/learn.  Which in my opinion is FANTASTIC!  I compare it to higher end retail stores...you pay more because their quality is a lot higher than the lower end retail stores.  If you expect your business to keep high standards they will get further (just my opinion).
We haven't met since but I'm sure we will be meeting more.  January 2013 is the casting call.  This is a class you take and someone evaluates your performance in the class.  They then determine whether or not you are ready to go to the next level which is start learning the routines and then eventually performing them in front of a panel of judges.

I'm excited.  God has put me on a course with Jazzercise for a reason.  The day that I can begin to give back and encourage other women like I've been done will be amazing!

So, now you know about me, keep a look out for pictures, measurements, weigh-ins, etc.  I'm holding myself accountable through this blog as well as hopefully reaching someone who is at a loss and feel as though they can't do it.

That old say, "If I can do it, you can do it" is true!
Thanks for stopping by!

I'm up and running!!!!!

Thank you to my great friend, Heather!  She fixed my blog up all pretty and stuff.
I LOVE it, what do you think?

I'm working on a blog post about how I started out with Jazzercise and my journey up to now, just to get you caught up.  Please be patient with me, I am still a busy mama of four.

Come back often to read about my journey through jazzercise and where this 1980's sweat band, leg warmer, leotard wearing labeled exercise is taking me.

Fellow Blog Post I Stole

I've been searching the blogsphere for other jazzercising blogs out there.  I honestly haven't found many but I did find this one.  It spoke HUGE volumes to me!  I have to post it because it speaks to some feelings I've felt, thoughts I've thought.

Jazzercising the Faith

Faith works a lot like jazzercise.  I know you're thinking about how crazy I am now, and that may be true, but let me make my point.   In my Bible reading this morning this is what I found, "Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy.  For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." ~ James 1:24  Okay, so maybe God didn't exactly use the word jazzerise here, but you see the connection, I know you do!

So in a regular format jazzercise class, you get a 60 minute workout that consists of cardio and strength training.  Now sometimes, especially when I first started, I feel like the cardio is never going to end.  I don't think I can physically make it through.  There have even been days when I thought it was really going to kill me.  Then just before I do actually die, we move on to the strength training.  This portion puts to use weights, tubes, balls, and moves like my personal favorite ~ the dang plank.  The goal of this portion is to build muscles.  The process of building muscles involves the muscles actually being broken down.  By the end of some of the repetitions, I can feel my muscles weakened and fatigued, but at least I don't feel like I'm going to die anymore. 

Maybe that's not convincing you to come try a class, but perhaps this will.  I have seen great benefits from my jazzercising over the course of this last year.  My endurance has improved a great deal.  Those days where I feel like I'm going to die during the workout are coming fewer now.  I'm not perfect at it, but I can keep up way better than when I started.  I also find that I have more energy to keep up with all the children and young people in my life; playing doesn't exhaust me, nor does cleaning!  Just in general, I feel better and have more energy after I've worked out. 

And, I'm so much stronger now too!  I don't even have to ask for help when I want to move furniture around now.  I've moved my furniture up the stairs, back down the stairs, and up the stairs again all by myself.  And lifting a scared or hurt child now is a piece of cake!

The benefits of jazzercising far outweigh those brief moments of being uncomfortable.  Having my strength and endurance pushed and tested prepares me to take on new physical challenges and to succeed.

In the same way that jazzercise is making me fit, James is saying that our faith is made stronger when it is exercised.  He says to be happy even when we come into difficult times because God is giving us the opportunity to get stronger.  How can we trust Jesus more if we're never put into situations that require us to exercise that trust?

These verses pierced my heart this morning as I was praying for some friends that are being hit with a whole barrel of trials and heartache right now.  I asked God, "How much more can they take?  Isn't it enough already?"  And as much I would like to take the pain away from them, God wants to even more.  But He reminded me that He is exercising their faith.  And these precious people "will be strong in character and ready for anything" when they come through this. 

Heartache is just a part of life that we have to expect to happen.  When those times come, we can either use the opportunity to "jazzercise our faith" or we can just be couch potatoes!

Actual Link to Blog: http://heatherbreitenbach.blogspot.com/2011/07/jazzercising-faith.html